Gotta catch em all
A man enters a sexy lingerie store to purchase a transparent negligee for his wife.
The salesgirl shows him several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price – the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for the sheerest item, pays the $500, and takes it home.
He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him. Upstairs the wife thinks, “I have an idea. It’s so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won’t put it on, I’ll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself.”
She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.
The husband says, “Good Lord! You’d think for $500, they’d at least iron it!”
(Source: pushthemovement)
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doctor said, “There’s nothing wrong with the way you have sex,” and charged them $50.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.
Finally, the doctor asked, “Just exactly what are you trying to find out?”
“We’re not trying to find out anything,” the husband replied. “She’s married and we can’t go to her house. I’m married and we can’t go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50…and I get $43 back from Medicare!”
v̴̴̛̹̮̝̰̯͖͉͢o̵̷̴̢̰̪͖͓̰̤̼̱̤͎̯͙̪͙̱͕i͢͏̺̰̘̝̳̜̗̙̻̠d̵̫͍̥̥̘͓̝͙͙̳̕
the comment in the middle. Can we all stop victimizing ourselves for attention and sympathy? everyone’s going thru shit, you’re not special AT ALL. Sucks for you that society doesn’t accept your ideas. Work hard to EARN the respect of your contemporaries. Those at the top will always have more power than you and you need to PLAY NICE in order to move up. If you can’t swallow that, you’re immature. And that’s ok. You will learn, eventually.
very sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wants her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were flapping in the breeze. Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed.
Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found three roses carefully placed beside her on the bed.
Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor. “I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!”
The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him: “I felt sad because you went through this all by yourself.”
“The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and empathized because she had had the same procedure done some time ago.”
“And what about the third rose?” she asked.
“Oh, that rose is from a man upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears.”